leahmarie

Wow….201, a weight I never could imagine being again…and now looking back, How did I ever let myself get that big!!! I was 274 and then some…..I have such a new respect for my body, and I feel so ver guilty I let it get so big and so out of control….I mean yes I am sooooooo, so, sooooooo very happy I am getting rid of this weight, every time I get on that scale I am so proud of the work out machine I am creating, but on the other hand, my POOR body!!! I have extra skin everywhere (look at my progress pic, look at my arms, uhhhggg), and stretch marks and a few spider viens too, Body I am So Very Sorry I was so ignorent, so oblivious to the damage I was causing you! Nope never again will I treat my poor body like that! From here and forever, I will treat myself like the goddess I am So promise me now, my Buddies, that you will do the same, treat yourself, your body and your spirit like the truly beautiful, strong Goddess you really are!

Wow, what a journey these last few months have bee, I have been doing more soul searching and more finding myself that I hid deep inside. But I can say, now more than ever, that I WILL reach my goals, I have been considering changing my goal weight from 165 to 145….I dont wanna push it lol But a girl can day dream right!

But ya I am totally appreciating my body now,  I feel like I am really creating a real relationship with my outer shell I mean I can feel bones that I have not felt, or expected to feel, in Years, new muscles too, oh ya!!!…..I can paint my toenails with ease, no more holding my breath lol! Ummmm hair removal is no longer a blind process, if you know what I mean, lmao! Sex, wow, sex is just getting better and better, no more rolls of blubber getting in the way And it helps to not have to be so very self conscious, wow that sexy and free feeling, I LOVE it!!!

And I love working out, getting up on my bike is not a chore, its my special me time! I love to sweat now, and jumping jacks, push ups, crunches, they are all more like privileges that I Get to do, instead of being unable to do! Feeling your muscles working under your skin, is just so awesome. I love that feeling when you are sweating, your heart is pumping, your blood is flowing and you are Alive!!!! Oh ya no more taking this body for granted!!!

I LOVE my WILDCATS!!!!!!

Without my awesome team, each day would be a true struggle! I feel so lucky to be able to be apart of such an awesome group of beautiful, strong, and super amazing women!!! Everyday I cant wait to get on the forums and read my Cats blogs. Thank you guys for rockin’ as good as you do and just being your beautiful, sexy, awesome selves!!!!!

So Buddies, smile with me

Breath in deeply, feel your body, you are Alive!!!

Each and every day is special, a new chance to do things right, a new start to a new you! Remember that we are on this journey together, with all these awesome Buddies, none of us are ever alone!
We can do this, we are going to reach our goals!!!!
(((Hugz))) to all my awesome Buddies
Peace Always!

♥Leah♥

SO here I was, feeling TOM getting ready to plow right into me like a ton of bricks….so I went sadly and slowly (bad cramps) to the bathroom, feeling like I wanted to cry, I hate TOM!!!!

I went to put on a pad right, and I took one look at the OverNight Stayfrees I have boughten for the last 3 years straight and opened one up and just busted up laughing!!!!

I am sure I looked like an insane lady, hehe….but the pad is way bigger than my new size 6 panties (they are so cute! They have a Peace Sign on the ass

Being so big for so long, and now finally getting smaller, I never stopped to think that I did not need these diaper sized pads any more! SO that totally lightened my mood and made me happy to find humor in this annoying part of being a beautiful female

I just wanted to pop in and Blog, blogging is an awesome part of my healing journey, so you all blog away, it feels great!

And A shout Out!!!~

I LOVE MY WILDCATS….

Girls with out you I would NOT be where I am today, you all are making me feel so awesome, even when TOM comes around….I am a different, better person because I  have known you Cats!!!  I love you all, my Cougars and Panthers are rockin!!!!

See you in the Forums Sexy Kitties!

Hugz & Peace!!!

♥Leah♥

Food Log

Exercise Log

Well hello my oh so Special and Beautiful Buddies!!!! Happy Easter, I hope you all have a nice visit from the Easter Bunny, and hopefully he isnt to evil to you, by bringing too much chocolate with him!

Ahhhh I am just so freaking excited, I mean, WoW, OnederLand is just right in front of my face!!!! I mean I just CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!!! I spent so many years just under 300 pounds, this was something I figured would just be completely and utterly Impossible…… but here I am, facing it, pinching myself along the way, just to make sure I am really awake…I walk by a mirror and have to do a double take to make sure that is me, almost sounds concieted I know, but I am still kind of in a shock. And I am oh so very Focused on my goals now, I mean seriously focused!The kind of focus that forces you to have will power, the kind of will power I thought was only in happily ever after stories. now I get to look forward to my own!

Most of my days for the last month as I look through my food journal, most of the days my cal’ intake barely hits 1400, with an average of 1200…and now its like a lifestyle for me, I dont find myself in silent battles with the kitchen and it contents. like I did at the beginning of this journey. No more being conquered by my own depression and then spiraling into a self induced pit of hell…I feel like as I have shed the pounds, I have shed my outer shell and the real me is stepping out, the me that loves the way the old me wished she could, the new me that smiles for real and not just for show, the real me that is Happy with herself instead of disgusted and full of self loathing. This journey is an amazing one, at first it was really hard for me, hard to break away from the lifestyle that kept me trapt in darkness, but deep inside us all is that part that screams to be let out, to be happy and to love, I let her out. If you feel like anything that I have, set yourself free, only you can let yourself out!

One of the things that has helped so much, that I tell myself a lot, I wanted to share with you, just incase it will help any of you like it did me….I tell myself~

‘You wouldnt shove junk food and crap down your kid’s throat until they were fat and then beat them up verbally and emotionally, no you would never do that! You would never do that to anyone you love, not your special pets, not your friends (well maybe one or two of your friends, hehe just kidding) So why would you ever do it to yourself!”

I was so tired of beating myself up, feeling down and bad about everything I did, never feeling good enough for anyone or anything. Break out of that self imposed prison! I dont need it, you dont need it….we need love and it starts inside and then radiates through all of your life like the rays of the warm sun!

This year is our year my Beautiful Buddies!!! Our year to grab on to our lives, live life to the fullest, keep on living, loving and dreaming!!!

Cheers to you, to us and to OnederLand!!!!!

Peace, Hugz and Dreams,

♥~Leah~♥

My Web Site~http://www.geocities.com/midnight_dreamer_studio/midnightdreamerstudio.html

Food Log

Exercise Log

OK I am FINALLY taking charge, No More Cigarettes for me!!!! This is it, I wanna quit like I have never wanted to quit before. I keep telling myself I will thank myself in the future. But its soooo hard…. I picked up my first cig when I was 14, I quit smoking each time I was prego with my babies, but always started back up after they were born. Now granted a pack of smokes usually lasts me 4-6 days lately, my body is telling me no more, I need to listen but damn it, its so hard! I ran outa smokes on Sunday, did good all day Monday until the afternoon and just Had to bum one off my friend’s Dad…..ggrrrr and I am sitting here thinking about how awesome a smoke on the porch would be right about now….I need to get through this….I know I will get through this, its just gunna be a hard road at first….SO who wants to do this with me?! Lets take control of it now before its too late!

With Onederland just dangling right in front of me, I have been very optimistic, this is proof to me that I CAN TAKE CHARGE!!! I can do this, and so can You! My up and coming sexy body is going to need a good pair of lungs and a strong heart, so take the plunge with me, we can do this, Let reach our goals my friends!!!

I am in a WildCat mood! Sitting here in a new pair of 16s I got yesterday, you have no idea how happy I am, its been 9 whole years since I have worn this small of a size!!! I just want to laugh, dance and cry all at the same time! I never thought I would get into this size ever, I gave up and figured I would be fat forever….this site saved me and I want to thank you all, your encouragement, your blogs, all of your stories have shown me the Light! You guys are like my flame in the darkness, lighting my way on my journey to happiness… From all that is inside me, I want to say Thank You, you guys will always have a place in my heart and I am so happy to be able to be on this journey with all of you!

I have goals and Ideas I am getting my life back!

Together we will achieve our goals, and bring our dreams to life! Now lets have a kick ass week!

And to my buddies who still puff on smokes, I dare you to take my challenge, lets quit this demon for good, and lets do it together!
Peace Always,

Leah ♥

My New Pet Portrait Art Site~

http://www.geocities.com/midnight_dreamer_studio/midnightdreamerstudio.html?1238812320703

Its Spring, and the weather is Beautiful!  Had to go outside and and take some pictures Thats me and my 4 year old daughter Amy, her full name is Amethyst Moon. Here is a pic of the whole family~

It is so nice to have a bit of green in our yard out here in Arizona hehe. Here are my three boys, Neo the oldest, and tallest, Dethen the blonde, and Symon the fury one!

So thats my little happy family

Ah its such an awesome day! Hitting my mini goal was a HUGE thing for me….I mean wow, I never actually thought I could even get close to loosing this much weight, and I know I can hit my real goal. My body is feeling so healthy, I got some Womens One A Day vitamins. And want to know something really weird, well super weird for me anyway, I wake up in te morning and look FORWARD to working out on my bike and getting all sweaty….its so weird for me, I have never in my life stuck to any kind of diet or exercise scheduel, so for 4 months straight I have been doing it and it is sooooo paying off, I am looking forward to being around where I want to be by this summer. Lets all make it a goal of being close to where we wanna be by this summer!

I do have to admit a few things, for some reason its getting harder and harder for me to eat at least 1200 cals a day, I push myself  but I get so full so easily any more, truly learning portrion control is the best way to go, no need for any surgery to shrink your tummy! And another thing I have to admit to you guys is, I went ahead and bought myself a bottle of diet pills on Friday, I know it sounds bad, but I only take half of the recommended daily dose, I am just really excited that I am finally after YEARS of being so big, finally I am almost under 200 lbs, and Iwanted a little extra boost to get there a little faster. I choose a brand that has been around for awhile, without any serious horror stories lol.

On another note I am really happy and excited to announce that I have finally created my very own web site, offering Pet Portrait services….I would love it if you could check it out! Here is the link~

Midnight Dreamer Studio

http://www.geocities.com/midnight_dreamer_studio/midnightdreamerstudio.html

Hey if you know of anyone who might like the idea of Pet Portraits I would love for you to share my site…..I know shameless self promotion, but I am just so happy I finally got a website up and running and finally on a road to living my dream!

And an update on my fiance, John…well they ran some tests and found he has a degenerative disk disease, they still need to do an MRI to see if he has any other issues on top f that, but the doctor’s are finally taking him seriously, and it makes such a difference! Monday he goes in for pain management and we are both looking forward to that.

So buddies that is my update, I am getting more computer time in, I will be able to catch up on your blogs and stuff. I have missed being active here so much! Thanks to all of you who leave me such awesome and inspiring booster notes, you guys really add smiles and sunshine to my day!

Talk to ya soon!
Peace,

Leah♥

PS~

Bought myself more size 16s and they are fitting perfectly! 14s here I come

Finally spring has come, I have been waiting all winter, spring is my absolute favorite season….and I think this spring will be better than the last…..

Finally got the doctors to listen and my man, John, will be getting his MRI right after he gets his blood tests, thats a big achievement, finally the doctors are taking this seriously! I wrote a letter to his new primary care physician the last time he had an appointment, I could not go with him because of the kiddos. I think I pulled on her heart strings a bit and made her understand that this doesnt just effect John, this effects the kids and myself as well and we need him to get better! Well I guess she listened, I was so happy when the nurse called yesterday to tell John that they were going to order his MRI, first they need to do a few blood tests….just so happy that we are finally getting some real tests done, the first step towards a diagnosis and real treatment.

On another note, I hit a personal goal the other day….you see my friend gave me a couple pairs of pants one was size 15 juniors and the other is size 16 junior petite…well I knew I couldnt get into the 15s just yet, so I mustered up my courage and figured if I couldnt get into the 16s it wouldnt be that big of a deal…but I went ahead and tried to get into to them….when they were fitting up and over my thighs I was so happy, when it came time to button them, well I admit, I lied down on my back on my bed and then got them buttoned! You see I havent been in a size 16 since I was like 18/19….even though they were really tight, I was just so happy to even get them on, I mean especially coming from size 24!!!!

I am really doing this, I thought I could never get back down to 16s, now I am getting back into the 16s, and I will keep going until I am in 12s and 10s! I know I can do this……I am only 2 pounds away from my mini goal, wooot!!! And if I can be doing this, I know anyone can do it! All it takes is realizing that you are doing this for you and only you, because you deserve to be happy, healthy and live life to the fullest!

I want to get another picture up for my ‘after’ pic, the one up is old and I look so different now, I just need to wait till pay day on Wednesday to buy some batteries and I will get another pic up.

Now that I have lost a pretty large amount of weight I am starting to have a bit of a problem, maybe you guys can give me some tips…..I am getting extra skin everywhere! my arms, my inner thigh, my tummy….how can I get rid of it? Anyone have any tips, or know of any vitamins or lotions are anything I could do to help my skin get back to something more normal?

You guys are such rockin’ buddies, thanks for all your help and all of your motivation, I couldnt have come this far without my buddies! Keep your eyes on the prize and we will get to where we wanna be!  My next personal goal is to be in 14s by the summer, this summer is going to be a great one, I can feel it! Make sure you enjoy each and every day of this spring, spring is such a specail time of year!

Peace Always Guys!
Leah♥

I know I have been away for such a long time, it feels like forever since I have been able to catch up with any of my awesome buddies….ah what can I say life, it has its ups and downs….right now me and my fiance are in between a rock and a hard place….

What do you do when the Doctors wont do anything?
My fiance has been to many doctors for his back, we think he may have a herniated disk, when he goes to these doctors not only do they ask him retarded questions like ‘Why are you standing like that?”, but they send him away with a diagnosis of depression!
His back is getting worse every day, he cant really walk with out crutches, and he cant even stand up straight, he curves over to one side. How can the doctors not see that there is something very wrong with this 36 year old man, father of three who cant even play with his children!

Of course he is a little depressed when he cant even get anyone to take him seriously, he is in severe pain every day, and no one will even do any testing to make a diagnosis…. His weight has plummeted from 185 to about 155 now over the course of two months. I can see a clear visible change in the man I have loved for 10 years, I dont understand why the doctors arent really doing anything!
They sent him over to pain management, but they dont have an opening for over a week and a half, they sent him to the neurologist but they dont have any openings for two months. Why cant his primary care physician run any basic tests or even give him a CT scan or an MRI to see what is really going on in his back, so we can get him up and around again?!
So they pass him off to other doctors who cant even see him, so he sits here in pain, what are we supposed to do? ER doctors wont even look at him and send him out with a lower back pain diagnosis.
Are we supposed to sit here and watch it get worse, day by day, until the doctors actually do something? Are they going to get around to finding out what is wrong with him, or just send him away with pills that dont fix anything? Does anyone have any idea if there is anything we can do to make them do this faster?
Please help, I have no where to go, no idea what to do, and a man who is in so much pain he doesnt know what to do any more……

Any ideas will be much appreciated thank you!
Peace Always Guys,
Leah♥

Hello Guys, it feels like its been ages since I have been on here long enough to write up a blog or check in on any of you….so very sorry for that guys! Life has been handing out the good stuff and the bad stuff lately here. My fiance, John, has been having back issues, he just had to have his tail bone reset into the right position and now all down one side of his hip and leg is just going crazy with muscle cramps all day and all night, we have been doing stretches, rubs, and anything we can think of to help his condition. Now he started taking supplements like DHEA and minerals to help make sure he isnt deficient so he can get on the right healing track.

SO I have been a busy bee lately…you are probably wondering about the title of my blog….I was so foolish and I didnt realize how much you really have to pay attention to your body…The last month I stepped up my bike routine to an hour of fast sweaty biking with a 20 minute cool down, it burned a whopping 1200+ cals and I was only taking in between 1300 and 1500….I will admit that there was a few days that I only got up 1000 cals….well after about a month of this it finally caught up to me and I started getting really run down, but the scariest part was my heart, I would just be sitting with John and it would be pounding so hard and making me feel so dizzy, but foolishly I kept with this routine for about a week more and it got so bad that instead of a few episodes of that heart pounding dizziness, it switched up to constant heart pounding dizziness even during the night when I was trying to sleep…..so I took the time to figure out what a healthy intake of calories for my height and weight is, which at the moment is 1800 a day, and I did more research about how many calories to burn, and you are only supposed to put yourself in a deficit of 500 and no more than a 1000 without health risks….so I switched it back to a sweaty 30 minutes of biking with a 10 minute cool down and this burns 700+ cals and I bumped up my intake of cals to at bear minimum 1500 and a max of 1800. Plus tomorrow I am going to pick my self up some vitamins.

I learned the hard way not to take my body for granted and even if it takes longer for me to hit my target goal, I dont care I am going to make sure I give my body what it needs. And I just want all my buddies to know about my mistake, made because I wanted the weight gone faster, which actually didnt help me at all because it caused  a platue in my weight loss, but now that I have changed it up and doing the right, healthy way I have started to shed a few pounds since last weigh in, I am only 7 pounds away from my mini goal wooooot!!!! And what is more important, my heart is acting more normal again, with fewer and fewer episodes, so I know I am on the right track to a healthy body

I really hope you are all on a healthy road to a new you, please take the time to cherish all you have, never take yourself for granted and do everything you can to nourish your body, mind and spirit!
I will try to get on here and chat more, as my man gets better and better I will have more me time hehe! I wanted to send a huge shout out to all you beautiful wonderful people, thank you for being you and thank you for always being here!
Peace Always my friends!
Leah♥

First I have to start off saying how very sorry I am, I have not been the best buddy lately, hell even my computer is missing me! I have been very busy, yes still sticking with my exercise every day woot!

But seriously this is a very busy time of month for me and on top of that my best friend has been really awesome, coming over all the time to hang out with me as I try to help her, she has a lot on her plate, single mother of two, with a job at the gas station around the corner and she also takes care of her disabled father, all on her small pay check….I feel for her, she is trying so hard to take care of her loved ones, her boy’s dad quit his job so he wouldn’t have to pay child support! So I love making dinner for her kids and mine and I have been spending my time with her, giving her as much support as I can since she is having a really time in life…

Life, it sure can deal all of us a hard hand…but we all continue, we all go on and face every day….I figure its best to be optimistic, when you see a beautiful sunrise it can be so very uplifting, the birds flying in the sky can really give you a sence of hope…..every day is a smile waiting to happen!

So I started on this site on December 19th, its February 1st and I have lost 24 pounds since I joined here, how awesome is that! Tomorrow is February 2nd, and its my Birthday I will be 27 years old, I am looking to having a great time with my friends and family, my brother is coming to spend the night and my friends are coming over for the evening, yes there is going to be drinking and food, I say you know what, I have worked my ass off, literally!, and I deserve to enjoy my B-day, I know for one thing that my tummy cant even hold nearly as much food as it used too, I will still be conscious of my journey and I wont go out of my way to mess things up for myself. This is the first B-day since I was 19, being this weight! I am happy

On another note, I have kicked up my stationary bike routine up to a whole hour, 45 minutes of vigorous, hot and sweaty biking and 15 of moderate biking with 2 pound hand weights. Oh it is awesome, I get 20 miles done in that hour. My friend gave me an MP3 player, I put a whole bunch of my music on it to sweat too, see I am not your normal pop girl, I LOVE Metal, so when I have been riding, I have been trying to keep the pace with my metal, which has a lot of double base, its like a hard core work out hehe….for example, I will give you the link to my hardest work out song, and what makes it hard is when your on the bike and keeping your petaling up with the music, so here is the link of my most sweaty work out song~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oKzughWQ9I

Think of keeping up your petaling to the fastest rythm of the song, any one with a stationary bike wanna give it a try? I know I get so sweaty, I am loving listening to my music while exercising! Oh and I am keeping up in the Crunch-a-thon, which is cool!

Anyway guys, I wanna say sorry for not being as good of a buddy as I really love being, but hopefully things will be slowing down soon and I can get back in the pace of things here on my favorite place to be!

We can so do this guys, keep up the good work, take each day, each pound at a time, the future is nothing but possibilities, reach out and grab yours!
Peace Always,

Leah♥

Just felt like getting on here and jotting down all that I have been inspiring myself with lately

My Reasons why I love Exercise….

*You get to move that body and realize you ARE Alive!

*You get to feel the burn and see the sweat and you know you are Accomplishing something!

* It elevates your mood and helps get rid of depression.

* It gives you more energy, you better believe it!

* It slaps TOM in the face and helps with cramps.

*It helps you sleep better at night.

* It BURNS CALORIES!!!!

*It brings your confidence back every day you move your body.

*It gives you some valuable ME time.

*It makes sex better, longer, and funner… oh ya!

*The more you do the more you can do, no more being out of breathe because of a few stairs.

*It is one of the most valuable steps to a healthy life style.

*It helps with stress, big time!

All that is enough to get me up and moving my body! Getting that blood pumping really brings your whole body back to life, after spending so many years as a stay at home mom/coach potato/computer junky , this exercising every day has really got me changing my life for the better! I feel lazy if I only I get in one 45 minute work out a day!

Here are some of my own tips I live by when it comes to food and portion control

*Always use a smaller plate, you can only put so much on those small tea cup plates

*Fill up your plate with veggies first.

*For all you salsa lovers, replace salad dressings with salsa.

*Switch out ground beef for ground turkey, its easier for the body to digest.

*Learning portion control is waaaaayyyyyy cheaper than any lap band/bypass surgery.

*Water, water, water…

*If you dont know whats in it, do NOT eat it!

*Fresh and real is way better than imitation and processed.

*When Shopping, Skip pass the junk food/ice cream isles singing ‘La La La I cant hear you calling my name’

*If its not in your house, you dont have to worry about it.

*Anything you can put in a sandwich, tortilla, or pita goes great on a salad!

*Less going in the mouth equals more pounds going off my ass.

These rules work for me, glad I got them down so I cant ever forget them! Hope you can take a few and add them to your lists! Now one thing I see a lot of wonderful buddies doing on here is making a list of why they wanna lose weight, I figure since I am doing up some lists today I will add that one too, it is so great to keep around a reminder of what you are doing and why

*I want to gain control of my body, health and life.

*I want to remember who ME is.

*I dont want to become another fat girl statistic.

*I dont want to be the fat Mom other kids laugh at my kids for.

*I want to feel young again, I am tired of feeling old when I am only 26!

*I want to be on top of my health issues and maybe even make them disapear.

*I want to look as SEXY as I feel inside.

*I dont want to be ashamed to be naked in front of my Hubby anymore.

*I want to feel more comfortable making love to my man.

*I wanna dance and move like I did when I was a teen.

*I want to set a healthy example for my kids, especially my little girl.

*I want to fit into my smallest pants.

*I want my self confidence back!

*I want to be true to myself.

*So I can be my own success story.

*To be my own inspiration and motivation to accomplish all my dreams.

*To prove to myself that I have the Power to change my Life.

So Buddies, always remember why you are here and where it is you want to go! We can do this, all we have to do is believe in ourselves, believe in our futures, we all deserve to be happy, to be happy with ourselves and with our lives!

Love your self every step of the way, this journey isnt a punishment for bad choices, this is  journey is our rode to a brighter and happier future!

I am so glad to be here, I see the changes in myself already, I havent only lost a few pounds, I got rid of the darkness that has hung over me for years!

Hand in Hand we can do this, we can brake down the barriers that are keeping us from our own much deserved happiness, we can reach our gfoals and dance in the shower of our victories!

Look what you guys made me do, I told myself I wouldnt get all sappy, and I did anyway, I cant help myself, you guys mean so much to me!

Peace Always,

Leah♥