leahmarie

I feel…that’s just it, I FEEL…this is almost like realizing I am waking up after a winters long sleep….feeling again is like opening your eyes to the bright morning sun, and I am adjusting….I am emerging….

For so long I slept in a world where I had barred my feelings away from myself, ones around me, the whole world, easier to deal with that way ya know….I guess for every feeling I imprisoned away, it stored itself in the pounds I gained…..never really gone, the only way to get rid of it was work it out of hiding, face it and free it from my binds….I never realized that I was keeping it there to torment myself…I never knew how far this step would actually take me in my development….

I always was seeking for something to fill the void I created inside myself, maybe I didnt create it by myself, for we are all products of our environment, as a child growing up in this world of unsure possibilities, I picked up my characteristics as I went, examples layed down by supreme beings like the parents, some being forced into my life unwanted, even scary, others picked up to help deal with the trash left behind by the inconsiderate….cover up the void any way you want, it may look good for awhile but one day your going to fall through, and that’s the day where you can either finally take the time to heal this void, or choose to pick up a rug and cover it up again….
I am on a non-stop journey to finally heal the void, fix myself inside and I know with out a doubt that the outside shell will follow. Oh to feel like a complete being again, the day I hit that goal there will be no turning back, all that will be left is to just BE, and that’s what I am going to do, finally be Me

In no way am I thinking its going to be an easy quick, blink of the eye and snap of the finger, its a journey, it is THE journey, the one I have been on my whole life, at least I am on the right road now, some how making my way back after taking so many unplanned exits and fantastical short cuts that ends in tragedy….. sure I could sit and beat myself up for being so ignorant, and that is what I did for so long and it got me no where, like sitting on the side of the road will usually do, OR, or I can say well at least I learned Something from my mistakes, pick myself up, dust off the crap and started out again, now with some kind of knowledge gained.

We are learning and growing always, it is what you do with the information, knowledge that you gain that is so very important……how are you going to shape your life, yourself, your future….I for one, am finally strong enough to say that I am ready to shape myself into the person I always wanted to be, the real Me….. and I am finally ready to kick this old fake costume I have been wearing for too many years, its been so heavy, so cumbersome…..
Shake your costume, be true to yourself always…..let love spread through you like wild fire, the first step to freedom is Love, that unconditional love we all seek, we need to give it ourselves first, so we can learn how to truly give it to others, think what a wonderful world that would make

Peace Always,
Leah Marie ♥

Veiw More Art~ My Art Portfolio

Hi Buddies! I am in the mood to blog about  a topic that I just cant stop thinking about, I want to get this out and share

*Missing You* by Leah Marie

I started this journey think about only losing weight, and I am finding that it is about so much more….I started asking myself, “Who are you….really?”. May sound kind of funny at first, but it is really an important question. Who are you? Really? At first we ramble off the obvious….but when you really think about it, its goes so much deeper than just the surface. Who are you, do you remember who you were as a child, as a teenager,  do you remember that you are still you and that you are apart of everything you have ever been…

It seems somewhere along the way I have detached myself, I got caught up in all that was around me and forgot about myself….As women we spend so much time thinking about everyone else, our partners, our children, our friends, our employers and colleagues,….it seems not many of us  get much Me time…slowly time seems to cover up where we came from…..

For me I finally am realizing I am Me, and I am finding a sense of Independent Individuality….I forgot that I have thoughts, wants, dreams, hopes, passions, desires all that are my own, that come from within me, and I think I need to start giving myself back to Myself.

I think I use to use food to fill a void that I didnt know how to fill, then I stayed in my bubble, not wanting to take responsibility for myself, my life, or even my body…..I forgot about myself, letting the role of mother, wife, caregiver take over, maybe it was easier that way for me, easier to take care of others and look away from my own issues, just easier to not have to be accountable for what I was doing to myself, physically and mentall, even spiritually….because when you start asking yourself these questions, either you have to be honest with yourself or you just arent, and when we are not honest with Ourselves it seems that we lose touch, we look away, we use life to cover up the empty feelings, the void that lingers…and for a time it may seem like its working, but then one day and you look and nothing has really changed, you are still using things like food, work, life to cover up that emptiness….

When you want for change to happen so bad, we have to start looking within to find the answers….. and we have to remember, do you remember what it was like to be a young child, remember when you could find magic in the world, in life, do remember when you had dreams, do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up, do you remember what your first kiss felt like and the whole wonder of it all…..do you remember being a teen, strugling to find your independence, did you get that independence or did life just change around you…

Are you who you want to be, that is my question for myself…..and my honest answer is, I dont know…..I know that I am finding aspects of myself that I do like, I am finding that there is much more I want to be, and I have started working to get rid of the parts that I cant stand any more….this is where it is all about Honesty, either I be honest all the way, or its just a waste of time, I dont want to be stuck any more, its time for truth, growth, my spirit wants to be free, I want to be Me….

So call it, soul searching, call it maturity, call it a side effect of having a concious ego….what ever you call it, there comes a time in our lives where we Have to start loving ourselves, nurturing our selves, mind body, spirit….so we can grow and become the person within, the true You, the True Me….There comes a time when we have to love ourselves enough to realize It is OK to be Me….

So who are you, are you who you want to be? Do you have time for yourself to become Yourself……look deep within, is it time to let your spirit free…..let love guide your journey, because with out Love, then what are we living for….

I started this journey thinking about only losing some weight, and I am finding so much more, I am finding Myself, the Leah that was once a little girl who wondered at the magic of all that was seen and unseen, I am that 14 year old trying to find my way to become a woman, well I am just now opening that door….

So cheers my friends, this life is beautiful, wonderful, amazing…..no more letting it just pass us by….reach out and grab the moment, for a moment can be eternity….

Peace Always,

♥Leah Marie♥

You have to believe in yourself! You  can truly do anything if you really want to, from couch potato to this! I made it my goal to work out every day of May, and I did~
1. 40 mins stationary bike, 35 mins walking, 50 jumping jacks, 50 push ups
2. 60 mins on stationary bike, 20 mins walking, 50 jumping jacks,50 push ups
3. 70 mins on stationary, 50 push ups, 50 jumping jacks
4. 45 mins stationary, 45 mins walking, 50 jumping jacks
5. 40 mins stationary, 25 mins walking, oops no jumping jacks (had a headache)
6. 55 mins stationary bike, 55 jumping jacks, 55 push ups ( 55 day woot)
7. 55 mins stationary, 50 push ups, 50 jumping jacks
8. 45 mins stationary, 50 jumping jacks, 50 push ups, 35 mins walking
9. 60 mins stationary bike, 40 mins walking
10. 60 mins stationary bike, 15 mins walking
11. 40 mins stationary, 10 min ab ball work out
12. 60 mins stationary bike, 10 min ab ball
13. 60 min stationary bike, 15 min ab ball, 35 min walking
14. 62 mins stationary bike, 10 min ab ball, 25 min walking, 65 push ups
15. 60 mins stationary bike, 10 min ab ball, 65 push ups
16. 60 mins stationary, 10 min ab ball, 65 push ups
17. 50 mins stationary, 10 min ab ball, 65 push ups
18. 50 mins stationary, 20 mins walking
19. 1 hr 20 mins stationary bike, 25 mins walking, 5 min abs, 65 push ups
20. 55 mins stationary, 10 min ab ball, 65 push ups
21. 60 mins stationary bike, 20 mins walking
22. 30 min stationary bike, 30 mins walking
23. 60 mins stationary bike, 5 min ab ball, 65 push ups
24. 60 mins stationary bike, 10 min ab ball, 65 push ups
25. 60 mins stationary, 5 min ab ball, 65 push ups
26. 30 min stationary, 45 minute walking
27. 30 min stationary, 5 min ab ball, 65 push ups
28. 70 min stationary bike
29. 40 min stationary bike, 5 min ab ball, 65 push ups
30. 50 min stationary, 5 min ab ball, 65 push ups
31. 65 min stationary bike, 5 min ab ball

I cant believe it! So many goals hit for May, it gives me faith I am going to keep on hitting more goals! This is proof that we can do this, we can loose weight and be fit! Its all about how much of yourself you are willing to give Yourself! We here at BuddySlim have an advantage, each other! I know I would not push my self if I had no one to be accountable to, my team the Wildcats, the most amazing bunch of women I could have ever wanted to meet, keep me motivated, even when I am no where near my computer!

So cheers to my buddies, all you wonderful peeps!! I could not do this with out you, and I would not want to!!! Cheers to us, cheers to our bodies, cheers to our goals!!!

Peace Always,

♥Leah♥